Restless Seasons
It seems that I’m constantly vacillating between seasons of contentment and seasons of restlessness. Will it ever stop? Am I stuck in this misery for the rest of my life?
My restless seasons usually have to do with my circumstances. Either my current situation is not what “I” think it should be or I’m restless because I feel an intense need to “DO something” but have no clue what it is I’m supposed to do. My mind reels with questions… Is “this” all there is to life? What about the “abundant life of Christ” all the TV pastors are pontificating about? What about “live your best life/awakening to your life’s purpose” Oprah and the t-shirts proselytize?
I’ve got to say – I hate the restless seasons!! I get depressed, I get angry, I get sad and weepy. I eat too much, sleep too much, hole up at home and become even more anti-social than normal (as an introvert)… I can be mean, and pissy and often rude to those around me… I HATE IT!
A rather intense restless season hit me back in November ‘07. By the time February arrived, I was losing my mind and couldn’t take it! So I took a week off from work and I blew my entire tax refund on this quiet wonderful hotel right on the beach, with a fireplace in my room overlooking the ocean just north of Carmel, CA. I sequestered myself away to regain my sanity and reconnect with Christ. I dug deep into the Word, and read The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God, by John Eldredge & Brent Curtis. Funny, how God will always meet you where you are, when you have no agenda but to spend time with Him. Best week ever.
Anyway… over the course of those 5 days, I gained a deeper understanding of and a new appreciation of the restless seasons. I can honestly say… as frustrating as these seasons are in my life… I am now truly grateful for them.
If I’m honest, restless seasons come often for me. But, as a Christian, being restless is natural. Wondering “Is this it?” – is expected. I believe restlessness is the homing device God planted in our hearts when we were knitted together in our mother’s womb. A homing device for God – to know Him and to be with Him. Every human innately longs for purpose, meaning, and connection (that homing device). And the reality is “this” is not all there is. There is oh so much more! There is a future, and a hope. Here and now and for eternity.
I will always be restless until Christ returns or takes me home. When I consider this reality, I am grateful for the restless seasons because they make me hungry for more… they keep my focus UP and out, instead of in. The restless seasons trigger in me that desire to “seek first the Kingdom of God.”
If I ever get to a point of not feeling restless that would mean I had truly given up hope… that I had completely lost heart. To completely lose heart and have no hope would be a fate worse than death. If you are going through a restless season… don’t abandon hope. Respond to that “homing device” inside.
(this is my original post from April 2008, that I edited.)
